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Matters
of the heart are a true mystery to all involved. In order to make a
commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trust in
another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, it is
a very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games with that
trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust will
surely create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you truly
trust another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider.
You are at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind of
emotional attack. Confusion and misunderstandings are amongst those
emotions now.
This is why communication is so important. It is the key to opening
all those doors. Without it, the doors will remained locked and one
will have to work very hard to break through. It is much more
productive to just talk, listen, and understand your partner. I am
not saying that this will be easy, but with love in your heart, it
can be done. The end results will definitely be more lasting. For
every forced door, there will be a negative memory to try to bypass
in the future. When doors are open with love, patience and respect,
they will have only good memories to savour and smile upon in the
future. Those are extremely important in tearing down those walls.
Communication is a very important act between two people. It even
has more importance than sex to keep a relationship building
stronger. In order to to communicate, it takes two willing and open
minds. If one mind is closed, all that will happen is the other will
grow in confusion and frustration.
Some of us worry about the ABC`s in life and others worry about the
EF&G`s in life. That's OK. It is what adds to the color to our
black and white life with each other. Yes it would be easier if we
all worried and thought about things equally. It would be less
confusing. But only for a short time. Soon enough our complacency
with each other would get "OLD". It would be as if we
could read each others minds, but what would be the point if we
thought and worried the same.
A little bit of controversy is a much needed thing in a
relationship. It helps us to get to know another part of our partner
and also our own selves. When we open our hearts to another, only
then will we offer this part of us. Until then it isn't necessary.
One very important thing about a person sharing their inner most
fears and disappointments is never, ever, try to stifle that person
or walk away in frustration. If someone is that open with you,
embrace it and hear them out. Never belittle their concerns as being
immature or nonsensical because you would never have those concerns.
Remember the ABC`s, we all think differently. Only then can you both
communicate, otherwise you will add another block to the wall of
communication breakdown.
When we are forced into silence, we begin to build walls. If we are
not allowed to voice our inner feelings or disappointments, we will
quickly stop trying to communicate forever. Once the first brick has
then been set, the foundation of the wall to communication breakdown
will rise up very fast. Trust me, there is not a single relationship
that does not carry or tear down a brick to the wall of
communication.
There are many levels of relationships. Some of us are put into
situations that take much courage to see past our hurts and
disappointments. Just remember what brought your relationship
together in the beginning. Many times we will be forced to return to
page one and start from there. With open minds and nonjudgmental
hearts we can get past many mistakes and problems that will arise in
a relationship.
Another favorite, but not so good habit that we as humans create, is
to regurgitate things over and over again. I use the word
"regurgitate", because that's how I view having things
being tossed back in your face. Have you ever noticed that another
lovely habit (NOT) that we as humans have is to only dig up the dirt
when we are in the heat of anger? We do this time and time again,
because we already know that these things are a guaranteed hit. It
is a very cheap and bullish way to try to win a conversation. Is
that not what most communication breakdowns are? Conversation wars
that end up shooting old ammunition back and forth at one another?
The problem there is that noone ever wins that battle. All that is
really happening is that both parties have just taken an equal part
in adding more blocks to the wall of communication breakdown. Both
sides lose.
Communication can only really work when neither party is being
selfish, meaning that if one person is feeling that they are being
attacked with every word that is coming their way, and it is all
about hurting them. They have automatically closed an open door
without even realizing it. Low self-esteem will surely make a person
feel this way. Or if one partner gets carried away and will not stop
to let the other party absorb what was just said, this too is a
typical selfish act. That is why it is important that we take turns
with each other and try to understand what is actually being said.
If one partner misunderstands, and you are aware of that, then you
are responsible to stop and work with them in a loving manner to get
them to open that door. It is vital to not assume anything until the
other person has completely finished.
This is why the power of writing is so productive. One person writes
his/her thoughts down, uninterrupted, without fear of being derailed
from their thoughts and with the ability to just get it all of their
chest, so to speak. People pay big bucks to be told just this, so
listen up! If you find that your wall of communication breakdown is
starting to build, then this habit of writing letters to each other
is a very good way to bypass the wall.
Always reread your letter before handing it over. That too helps you
to maybe erase a thought or two that was purely emotional when
writing it. We all know that old saying, "I did`t mean that, I
was just upset at the time". Well there's a hind site tip for
all of us struggling with that d**n wall of communication breakdown.
Do you ever feel that you are so far under that wall, that you will
never be able to communicate with your partner again and just want
to run away? Before you run away, think about exactly what and why
you are running from. Are you running from a partner that could very
well be the best thing that ever happened to you? Or are you in fact
running away from your own issues that you refuse to deal with?
Remember this, if it is your own demons that you fear, you will run
forever. You will never be happy. You will always blame your
relationship or your partner for your downfalls. Running away is a
cop out. It is a true weakness in character. To stay and fight and
trust that your partner will understand your troubles is a true sign
of courage and one that will be greatly respected.
We all have our pasts. We must understand that yes, they did happen
and that is what they are, past issues. To have your past continue
to come between yourself and your partner is a bad thing. Whether it
is a person or just an experience, it should be left in the past.
This is where good communication comes to the rescue yet again. When
we are made aware of certain issues in our partners pasts, it
sometimes makes them easier to understand and deal with if they
happen to come about again. If we are left in the dark and we have
to meet up with another's past and it is not a very good experience,
we will be weak in defense and our ability to communicate positively
will be almost non-existent.
Some people fear their partners pasts, viewing them as a threat to
their own relationship. This is normal and should be dealt with
through love and understanding. Again we must communicate with each
other and not look down on anyone for their honesty and true fears.
That wall of communication breakdown will never completely come down
if we skip a few blocks and ignore them, or handle them so wrong
that they double in size. A good strong relationship will endure
most any mistake made by humans as long as both partners are willing
and honest with each other.
********************************************
"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all
different in the way we perceive the world and use this
understanding as a guide to our communication with others."
- Anthony Robbins
"Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will
never replace kisses and hugzzz"
-Dorothy
"Some think that love is all flowers and good times, but I
think that love is more than just that. Love is the bad, as well as
the better, not lived alone, but a journey together. Something that
only the closest can share, with communication, respect,"
-Anonymous
Dorothy Lafrinere, Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com
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