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Trust
is something we learn as very small babies. We trust the first
person that we bond with and it grows from there. Have you ever
noticed how cool kids are? They trust every little thing we say.
They rarely question us when we tell them something.
Believing our every word; and why not? They have not been exposed to
mistrust yet, not that they would recognize it at such an early age.
Then they get older and come in contact with other children. This is
when relationships begin., separate from the familiar family
relationships that they have grown to know as "normal".
They begin to compare lifestyles with their friends and for some,
this is when the first mistrust begins. They find out that it is not
normal to be touched by people in their private parts. They find out
that it is not normal to be beaten for doing something wrong. They
find out that it is not normal to not be fed for a day or even two.
They find that it is not normal to watch their dad hit their mom.
They find lies, which gives birth to MISTRUST. Their lives turn an
entire chapter at that point. They grow up somehow; suffering
through the pain and loneliness of living with mistrust. For some
they rise above it and use it as a learning tool. For others they
become it; mistrusting everyone and everything. A small number of
those people seek help and spend many hours and a great deal of
energy trying to conquer it.
Then we have our jobs, we trust immediately anyone that has been
there longer or that comes off as knowing more than us. We trust our
bosses and our co-workers.
It is natural to trust as if we were babies all over again. With any
new venture we yearn to trust.
When we first fall in love; What is that saying, "Love is
Blind"? Ha! Now that's funny, because it really is blind. We
trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves
up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we
are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting
someone just a happier, easier, way of life.
Once a trust is breached, it creates a scar that has it's own heart
and never goes away. We just learn to ignore its beat. We try to
reorganize our minds and put it on the farthest burner we have. Some
of us can do just that, while others cannot. For them life is not so
easy. They find themselves thinking, should I trust or not? It's
like they have to find proof and reason to trust, because their
minds already mistrust. This is similar to the term "Guilty
until proven innocent". For anyone out there that can relate to
that, and I am sure there are many of you that do just that, life is
hell.
If, lets say we love someone and they tell us one thing, and we keep
getting mixed signals that stir up our mistrust thoughts, where do
we go with that? Books tell us, that we are to trust the ones we
love and that's it. And then, if our trust gets breached, and only
then, can we be accurate with our mistrust. "Blah" I say!
Oh and we're also told at the same time to trust our gut feelings.
OK, I admit confusion here. I know this subject is really going to
cut like a knife for some people and I will apologize now, but we
have to deal with the reality of our lives. How else are we going to
tackle our insecurities and get stronger. Our goal is to have a
somewhat happy life. One that we can talk about to our
grandchildren. We have to open our eyes and know what is going on in
our wolds. If your relationship has had a breach of trust or if you
have experienced mistrust earlier in your lives, then you already
have a reason to feel insecure. Now that you know that, you can
start to build up on that. Now you need to identify the exact core
of it and toss it. Its old news and its over.
Start a whole new life as if being born again (for lack of a better
phrase). I hear you already saying, "Easier said than
done". I totally agree, but how many times have I said,
"Anything worth having , does not come easy"? The answer
is MANY. Life is not easy. We have to earned all our happiness. I
have noticed, and I am guilty of this myself, that we are waiting
for our lives to be happy. I have been doing a lot of thinking
lately about happiness and if I have realized anything at all, its
that happiness is in you and your thinking and how you deal with
every little thing. To Trust or not to Trust is in our control. If
we choose not to trust, we open the door to all sorts of evil
demons, such as jealousy, low self-esteem, anxiety, envy,
selfishness, self-torture, worry, loneliness and just plain
unhappiness. So when we feel that , "Trust or not trust"
debate lurking in our minds, choose to not allow your mind to go
that direction. Tell yourself, that you are an intelligent person
and you know what is right and what is wrong right now. It's now
that you are living, not then, or the past. We are very good at
deciding what we want to eat, right? Or where we want to vacation
and spend tons of our hard earned money. So then why is it so hard
for us to just change our train of thought? Let me tell you. HABITS!
Bad habits, and for any of you that have read my HABITS blog, then
you know what I mean. So go back and read it again and again. I
believe that if one really wants to change something, it CAN be
changed. "Let your thoughts determine your goals and your goals
determine your destiny" (something like that). We are all
destined to be happy. We just have to focus on our goals.
Feeling mistrust definitely has been caused by something in our
lives. We may never figure it out and some of us have already
figured their reasons out. But for whatever the reason, it is a
negative emotion and one we can surely do without. Work on it, then
work on more trust and more love. When we can trust, love comes
naturally and that always invites happiness. So there you have it! I
have given you the steps; it is your responsibility to you to climb
them.
Article by Dorothy Lafrinere, Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com
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