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Today
I received a question from a guy. Here is what he said:
"Posted by Anonymous
The last woman I was involved with was quite full of herself. So
then why did she dump me?"
And my answer to him was this... "Posted by Dorothy
Hey there, sorry to hear about your being dumped. Not knowing
either of you, it is really hard to answer that question. There
are many reasons for people walking away from a relationship. It
could have plain worn out. Also they could have found someone
else. Either way, it sucks, and you have to deal with the pain,
and learn to get on with your life. It is a challenge, but it does
make you aware, of what being human is all about. There is a
saying; "If it doesn't kill you. it will only make you
stronger." Also I am a firm believer in: " Things do
happen for a reason." Hang in there, things will get better,
if you let them. Take Care and thank you for sharing that with
me."
"Being Dumped" really is one of the worst experiences,
short of death that we, as humans are faced with in our lives.
They say that, death of a loved one is easier to learn to live
with, than a break-up , "Being Dumped" or rejection.
All of the above, tell us that we are unacceptable to someone. We immediately
turn it into ourselves and that's when the self-blame seed is
sown. Through self-blame we begin to feel shame. Shame is so
painful, that no one talks about it or even wants to think about
it. Shame is the least identified emotion we as humans deal with,
because we are ashamed of our shame. Shame, is yet another
negative emotion, that captures and imprisons us in a pit of hell.
It pulls us into a life of silence and inactivity, lying and
hiding our true fears. When we are rejected in any situation, it
is a true hit to our self-esteem. If we are weak in that area,
then our fall is going to be very hard. If we are strong in that
area, we will quickly become weak. I wrote this in a recent blog:
"When we first fall in love; What is that saying, "Love
is Blind"? Ha! Now that's funny, because it really is blind.
We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set
ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it
because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is
trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life."
So there it is, we as humans, live to love and want to be loved.
We are blinded by the romance of the word ~ LOVE~. We are made
happy by the word~LOVE~, but we are also hurt by the word ~LOVE~.
So why do we continually set ourselves up? We are gambling, and we
do not even know it. Or, is life simply just that, a gamble? The
bottom line is, no one wants to get "DUMPED", because it
is not in our nature to know how to accept it. How many of you
have been, "DUMPED" and just knew that your life had
ended? You just knew that you will never see anything the same
again. Well, you were partly correct there. It is like any other
change in our lives. Things will be different than we are use to.
Your life has definitely not ended. Yes, your partnership has
ended with a person, and maybe it was not expected, but nor are
hurricanes or wars. We deal with it all, we have to. We chose to
survive. Think of it as starting a new life. Newness is positive
and healthy. Look at things differently, and embrace all that
newness. Do not fear it. "BEING DUMPED", is just another
chapter in your book of life. If you had no chapters, think how
dull your book would be.
Now,
you can open your self to another chapter, and believe me, there
are many. If you spend the rest of your life wondering all the
"WHY`S", just think, you have wasted even more of your
precious time on something that has chosen another road. As for
the fact that a person is, full of themselves, that really has
nothing to do with the "Why's" of "Being
Dumped".
Even
the most confident people close doors on relationships. They in
fact, have more courage to do so than a person of less confidence,
or being less full of themselves, so to speak. Who Knows? All we
know is that the decision has been made and you as a person, with
intelligence, must turn the page. Getting stuck in that feeling
just makes therapists rich. (wink) Life offers many, many humps
and bumps. We trip and fall, over and over again. The trick is to
get real good at picking yourself up and dusting off the old dirt.
This is life. I told my daughter, when she was struck by her first
cupids arrow, "If you are going to get emotionally involved,
be prepared to get emotionally uninvolved." It's life!
One
very important thing we must remember; when we are at the bottom
and we feel we are worthless and will never ever TRUST again, it's
is a nothing more than a human emotion. We know it as doubt. We
can over come doubt very easily. Look in the mirror, and tell
yourself, that you are UNIQUE, and you are going to make happiness
your goal. You must risk all the falls to reach that goal. Letting
yourself believe that you are deserving of another relationship is
truly a risk, again another gamble. But what is life without a
little risk? We have the power to overcome our negative self. We
just need to DO IT!
"Self doubt is not an option!
Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might
gain by fearing attempt."
Shakespeare
Article by Dorothy Lafrinere. My goal is to simply put a smile on
your face, add a little sunshine to your day, and help you find
the strength to deal with your fears and tackle your weaknesses,
but most importantly to help you find the goodness that is inside
of you, so that you can live a peaceful and happy life.
http://www.womensselfesteem.com
http://www.justblogme.com/dorothy
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com
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